The Head Honcho

Today was THE day. The BIG day. The day allotted for the visit with the Big Cheese. Yes, it was the annual trip to see the actual Santa. The kids have been putting it off- on the one hand, super excited to get gifts and on the other hand, super scared to have to talk to a man in a red suit with a covered up with hair face. I finally told Signa she didn’t have to talk. Just smile and hand him a note and then just say two words: “Thank you.” She was appeased and when she’s appeased, William is, too.

So off to the mall we went. We timed it for after Will’s nap, but not so late that they’d be closing. The line was long, but we knew it would be. We stood there talking to the nice people in front of us for about… 17.2 hours. Okay. It was about 40 minutes. It is finally their turn and William, with darting eyes of fear, states, “I have to go potty!” Seriously? 40 freaking minutes in line and he never had to go. Our turn? Has to go potty. Thankfully he was in a pull up and we told him to hold it or go, because we were next and for all we cared he could pee on Santa’s knee- we WERE getting a picture after all this.

It’s our turn and the kids are now resigned to Doing the Deed. They have plastered fake smiles and their wish lists in hand. They are being (gently) nudged towards the Big Guy, when he suddenly stands, walks over to the photographer teenager, who is wearing a frown and chewing her gum, and has quiet words. Then louder where I could actually catch a few. “I’m serious,” says Santa. “If you don’t go, I will.” He picks up his big red bag and starts to leave. Another teenager, but slightly older, clearly “in charge”, runs to him. They have some words and then he strolls back to his thrown and sits. The Boss Girl comes back over to the Gum Girl and says, “Just take this one picture and then we’ll talk.”

Gum Girl says, “He said he was leaving if I stay because he doesn’t like my style.” She chewed bigger and shrugged larger and frowned the same. Some style. Anyway, Santa actually took some time with the kids (hence the long wait) before pictures which was much appreciated. He apparently told them they were on the Nice List and took time to go over their lists with them. He then put the lists in his bag (which thrilled Signa because now she thinks he’s going to be using it as a checklist when he does his shopping for her) and then sat for the photo. William was… scared. And smiling. He had is Scared Smile and it’s adorable. Signa has a grin wider than Kansas, since she’s now thinking that she’s getting every Nintendo DS game ever geared towards seven-year-olds in commercials and all the other things on her list.

And we are smiling, as we have a story to remember forever: The Story of the Pissed off Santa who Hates Crappy Customer Services As Much As I Do.

The End.

(oh, and when we were in line #2 for pictures we notice that Gum Girl was no longer anywhere around. Go, Santa, go!)


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