Maggots, Vomit and Chickens

Last night Tori came and babysat while we went to a Christmas party (where Marc was coerced into wearing an inflatable Santa suit while brandishing a bottle of wine- without even having consumed the wine). Anyway, while Tori was here, Signa made her Santa letter. She wanted it ready for today- Breakfast with Santa Day.

It had been my plan to use the power of suggestion when she asked Santa for gifts. Using my Jedi mind control, she was to say, “Dear Santa, I would love to have Legos for Christmas and not some stupid giant dinosaur.” However, since I was not close enough to use the mind control, here is her list:

Koda
Webkinz camel
Maggot

Love,
Signa

So Koda is a giant dinosaur that you ride on, much larger than the other giant dinosaur that I thought the kids wanted. Santa, if you bring Koda, I will send hate mail to you all year. Webkinz camel- go for it.

A FREAKING MAGGOT?!?! Seriously, my six-year-old daughter wants a maggot for Christmas. Oh, and not just any maggot, but a crawling toy maggot that was at Target TWO HALLOWEENS AGO. Santa, if you bring this (I can’t find it cheaper that 20 pounds in England with a shipping fee of 80 billion pounds), then I will send you love notes all year. And really not because it would make Signa happy but because then I would get to remind for the rest of her life that Santa came through and got her a maggot for Christmas when she was a child.

Here is the letter, in case you don't believe me. I made her add Legos.

William was cribbed to say, “Indiana Jones figures.” But last week, he changed it up and said he wants a candy cane. Look at your hands. Look at the left hand and say, “Candy cane.” Now look at your right hand and say, “Maggot.” Which one is super cute?

Yeah, it’s pretty even.

Anyway, breakfast with Santa was fine. Especially since Will waited to get home before vomiting profusely from both ends. Thank you, dear William, for not doing that on Santa in front of an auditorium of people. I will personally buy you TWO candy canes for that.

But I’m charging you three for the dry cleaning that my wardrobe from today is going to need.

In other cute stories, William is in love with Christmas cookies (sugar cookies with frosting) and the cutest part of it is how he says it. “Kitmas cookies.” Kitmas is just my favorite.

Today Signa was watching something about this family that hatched baby chicks from eggs. She came running in to where I was getting changed from Vomit Attire and said, “So they put the eggs in an imbitator. What’s an imbitator?” I explained the idea of an incubator keeping them warm and getting the eggs ready to hatch. “Well, that’s dumb. Why didn’t they just bring home a chicken to sit on the eggs?”

Yeah. Why?