First of all, I don’t have periods.
I graduated, Mother Fucker. By way of the Mirena, I graduated, never to look back. Ever.
Second of all, wtf?!? That is
disgusting. Do you even know how much I
used to bleed? No, you don’t, stupid
Thinx (which, by the way, is dumb, because when I was bleeding, I certainly wasn’t
able to Thinx, what with all the blood loss and horror.)
Dear Thinx, Think a tampon and 2 pads.
In just one hour. So fuck you and your period underpants. I’m so not sitting in that shit. And from your website:
SOUND GROSS?
Well, every pair of THINX has a top layer that wicks all liquid into
the über thin absorption layer right beneath it, so that you feel super dry.
This way, you can wear 'em all day long (i.e., no, you don't have to change
them during the day, no, they don't feel like diapers, and no, it's not like
sitting in your own blood). Boom.
“Boom” your fucking ass. Fuck
you. Seriously. Fuck you.
No damn way this would have worked for me. Remember the Diva Cup fiasco? [read this with birds chirping and a calming
ocean breeze in the back ground] “Many years ago, my mother had a vision. She
dreamed of a healthy and eco-friendly feminine hygiene product that would
change the lives of women everywhere. Today that dream has become a reality and
is empowering women around the world to challenge the menstrual status quo as
they discover what it truly means to be a Diva!”
That God Damned cup runneth over, Asshole. Again, wads of blood, literally streaming,
flowing and showering out of my vagina, into the cup and out to the world at
large. One clot alone would fill the cup
leaving it to shrug and say, “Sorry, guys, I’m totally full,” to all the rest
of the blood for the day. So how do you
think dainty underwear with an “uber thin absorption layer” would fair with ol’
Debbie’s Niagra Falls of menstruations?
Exactly.
So please, Facebook. Fix your algorithms
and send me the Positive Thoughts of the Day™ ads, as I clearly need and
deserve. You won’t be sorry. Much.
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